Yankees fan press conference

The following is a transcript from the press release held by Yankee's fans spokesman, John Simpson, from South Bronx:

Reporter 1: John, what you think about Alex Rodriguez?
John: He's the best. He's hit a homer in each of his last five games, two of which were walk-off. Best player in the game.
Reporter 1: If I can ask a follow-up, though. Last year, in September, you said "A-Rod is a f****** jack a** who's not even good enough to s*** Derek Jeter's d***."
John: I stand by those comments. We Yankee's fans don't have the sense, understanding, or basic thinking skills to understand that player's play in peaks and valleys. Our long-term memory can only best be described as being slightly better than that guy in Memento.
Reporter 2: With your entire pitching staff injured, how do you think the team is going to fare?
John: It's no big deal. So what if our starting pitching was suspect to begin with, and now we have to start a weak version of a weak version of Roger Clemens. Don't you know that we can just buy a championship? We are just going to buy some pitchers. We will pay them a ton of money, and they will just win a world series. Haven't you been watching baseball for the last seven years?
Reporter 2: With all due respect John, and this goes for all Yankee's fans, haven't you?
Reporter 3: John, what do you think of Derek Jeter averaging 2.1 errors per game?
John: Derek Jeter is God. So what if someone replaced his hands with concrete blocks and that now, instead of his own throwing arm, he has the arm of an eleven-year-old girl? He's still the best player in the game.
Reporter 3: You just said A-Rod was the best player in the game.
John: Yep. A-Rod, Jeter, Robinson Cano; all the best player in the game.
Reporter 4: John, last year, you said "Gary Sheffield and Randy Johnson are the best player in the game".
[At this point, John screamed several obscenities and leaped at the reporter. As of press time, he is in New York Federal prison, sharing a cell with Jason Giambi.]